So, here’s the thing: Liquid Death is less a brand of seltzer water than it is a lifestyle brand aimed at rich people who want to look like they’re true to something. It’s made lightly heavy font choices. It’s got a skull logo. It’s obsessed with the notion of “murdering thirst,” which is weirdo adman speak for “drinking water.” They have shirts. They have hats. They have a $225 watch and a nightlight. They even added a bong water line that’s just their extant water with “bong” on the tin because Wiz Khalifa uses it to smoke.
At the end of the day, it’s just water.
I grabbed a can at my local fancy grocery store because I was there and I was curious after seeing it on Instagram dozens of times. How, I wondered, would this murder my thirst?
By being water, it turns out.
Liquid Death isn’t flavored. It’s sourced from the Alps, which I’m sure matters to people who are more serious about water than I am. But otherwise what registered was the packaging and the fact that I was paying nearly $2 for a tallboy of water. I will say, throwing out my quibbles with the marketing, Liquid Death makes an attractive can; copper, black, and gold like a can of MGD.
But it’s just water.
And I’m sure that’s the point, but I bought a can of sparkling water and found myself sipping the most lightly carbonated seltzer I’ve ever had. You can hear it sparkling, but it barely dances on the tongue. I’ve been drinking a lot of plain seltzer lately (I have a new Soda Sense; it’s pretty much the greatest), and beyond the admittedly nice, clean taste of its Alpine source, which cannot be replicated by my sink and Brita pitcher, but neither that nor the company’s mission to put less plastic into the environment is enough for me to recommend it. Was my thirst murdered? Sure. Would a tall glass of plain water accomplish the same? Absolutely.